How to Stay Kind by Craig Hase

These are difficult times: frightening, painful, groundless. There are plenty of reasons to feel tight and scared right now.  Still, speaking for myself, I know that I still want to find ways to be kind, helpful, maybe even joyful at times. And I know from mentoring meditators from all over the country these past weeks, I am definitely not alone in this. But how do we stay kind and connected when it seems like the whole world is falling apart? 

Here are three simple steps that have been keeping me imperfectly stable over the past weeks.

1. Sit with your feelings
First, there is tremendous power in just sitting down and feeling what you're feeling. I often do this in a three-step process.  First, I sit down and close my eyes. Frankly, just this often registers as a courageous step, a wild leap into the chaotic unknown. It takes chutzpah to close the laptop, turn off the TV, stop talking, stop texting, and just . . . be for awhile. Especially not knowing what you’re going to find.  Second, I feel my body. Of course, if you've ever tried to do this when you're really scared, or really angry, or really sad, you'll know what a tall order this instruction truly is. But I find that, if I can feel my body, if I can bring a warm awareness to the sensations of breath and heartbeat and blood in my veins – even if they are painful or uncomfortable – I can sometimes find a moment of calm.  Third, I open my awareness to the coursing river of thoughts and emotions. I don't try to stop my thoughts, I don't try to have better thoughts, I don't ask my emotions to be kinder or gentler or calmer or wiser. I just allow whatever's here to be here, as a living expression of this organism in this situation. And, again, I do this with as much warmth and patience for my own experience as I can muster.
Of course, sometimes you may feel overwhelmed by the third step; it can feel as though the difficult feelings are becoming intense. Use your innate wisdom to know when you need to re-ground in the body, and be sure not to magnify the challenging thoughts and emotions: you’re there to be aware of them, not make them worse.
2. Imagine Kindness
Once I’ve run through those three steps and found some modicum of calm, I then imagine kindness.  There are wonderful courses on the Ten Percent app that dive deep into cultivating lovingkindness and compassion, but for these purposes you could just imagine someone you love, someone close to you, and imagine giving them the things that bring them joy.  This could be an adult you love. This could be a child or a pet. Whoever it is, see if you can take a moment and just imagine giving them whatever lights them up. This could be a material thing, like ice cream or a new car, or it could be a more subtle act, like words of praise, or a long, sweet embrace.  As you imagine giving to this person you love, you could also imagine them getting happier and happier, filling up with joy. If you’re a visual person, you might even think of them filling up with light and radiating light. Stay with this for a few minutes and see if you can notice feelings of lovingkindness and even joy arising with yourself.
3. Act
Finally, I do something. Of course, in the little meditation above, I could imagine all manner of things—taking my mom on a ride in a private jet, or buying my sister a new house—but in this final step, I keep things very small and manageable. I send a single text. Or I say one kind thing to my wife. Or I call a friend with the intention to be calm and helpful. But I make sure I do it. I find this step essential, a way of bringing the good intentions I’m building on the meditation cushion into my real life with my real friendships, work relationships, and world.  In my experience, taking these three steps (sit with your feelings, imagine kindness, and act) has enabled me to shift my perspective, boost my mood, and get me heading in a good direction. And while they certainly won’t solve all the very big and real and terrifying problems we’re seeing in the world right now, they do allow me to stay a little kinder and a little more connected right in the midst of the storm.